Taking Further Care of Your(emotional)self

Taking care of yourself emotionally entails more than having an outlet to express your emotions. As a care partner, you still need to do the things that bring you joy. You cannot just drop all your beloved hobbies and activities and devote yourself completely to caregiving. You will burn out if all you do and think about is caring for your loved one.

You may have to modify and become more flexible in your handling of ways to keep yourself feeling like yourself. Nothing is the same after a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease.

For example, I have always had some sort of art project, and I even had a studio in our basement where I kept all my art supplies. I could hide out for hours in my (wo)man cave. But when Harvey had been home alone all day while I was a the office, I didn’t want to continue to leave him alone in the evenings. I needed a small, portable art form. Enter Zentangle™.

My sister introduced me to Zentangle™ right when I needed it. Using only a fine tipped black pen and a pencil, I learned to draw simple repetitive designs on 3.5 inch square paper tiles. The results, however, do not look simple. I could now sit with Harvey and draw while we watched his favorite Hallmark movie on TV.

I also learned to knit and crochet while watching television together.

I like to play the piano for my own enjoyment, but it only made Harvey fall asleep. I bought a music book of seventies songs, and we would sing all the Billy Joel and Elton John we wanted.

I love to read and was used to having at least three books going at once. Again, because I didn’t want Harvey to feel alone when I was home, I had to make some changes, so I started listening to audiobooks on the way to and from work.

You have different hobbies than mine, but I hope that you can see that by making subtle shifts, you should be able to continue them, in an altered form if necessary.

Another activity that feeds your emotional life is interacting with other people. Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias can be very isolating, especially as the disease progresses. I worried that our social life would fall away, so I made a deliberate effort to invite different couples to join us for dinner out. They weren’t always necessarily our closest friends, and Harvey and I weren’t particularly social creatures, so these outings were a stretch for me. I realized later that the dinners out were also a chance for our friends to connect with Harvey and see for themselves what abilities he still possessed.

For my own socialization, I realized that my career as a family physician was really helpful. I developed a greater attitude of gratitude toward my patients and staff. Having a rewarding profession served to rejuvenate me. I also purposefully continued to socialize with friends as best I could given my loaded schedule.

Remember, you have to put on your own oxygen mask first.