Taking Even Further Care of Your(emotional)self

So far, I’ve written three full blog posts about how I took care of myself while being a care partner for my husband, primary parent to two teenaged daughters, and worked full time. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about that life now. And I’m overcome with compassion for caregivers that are right now in a similar position. It’s just so hard to do everything that needs to be done! Of course, thinking about your needs seems incredibly indulgent!

Somehow, I intuitively knew that I had to take care of myself; mind, body, and spirit. I couldn’t let the balance that I had achieved in my previous life just slip away. Beyond the activities that I have discussed in the last three posts, I started getting monthly massages and pedicures. It didn’t even seem selfish at the time, which amazes me now.

One way that Harvey and I practiced self-care before his diagnosis was by vacationing. There is something about planning and looking forward to time away that revitalized us. I could get through anything when I knew the beach or the mountains were just months or weeks ahead.

We especially loved visiting our beautiful national parks, exposing our daughters to the incredible variety of the natural world. He and I would also dream endlessly about all the trips we would take together once we had retired and were empty nesters. A trip to Spain was in the earliest stages of planning when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. We never went. I was too overwhelmed by what this diagnosis would mean for our future to think about planning such an undertaking.

In fact, this loss of future travels together was one of the hardest griefs for me to bear. I still get teary eyed seeing older couples traveling together.

Eventually, I roused myself from the self-pity and decided that we would travel as a family as best we could with the time we had left to do it.

Our first big trip was a bucket list item, rafting through the Grand Canyon down the Colorado River for a week. The next year we took an overnight train from Seattle to Glacier National Park, and the year after that, we flew to Belize. After that, our vacations needed to be just simple beach vacations.

(I’ll write about traveling with a loved one who has dementia in a later blog post.)

Once Harvey could no longer travel and was in a memory care facility, I continued to take trips, albeit smaller and shorter ones. I enjoyed getting away for a weekend by myself or with a friend. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him for longer times or distances, and I always made sure someone else was available if there was an emergency with Harvey.

I realize now that traveling was a way to escape. A change of scenery and routine was refreshing and something exciting to look forward to.

Even if you can’t travel, time away from caregiving is vital! You need a break, even daily, to recharge. It may take asking someone to be with your loved one so that you can leave for a bit, even if it’s just to grab a cup of coffee with a friend. It’s crucial to your emotional well-being!