So I’m thinking how appropriate this particular caregiving principle is as we move into the holiday season. This eighth chapter in my teaching memoir is part of the cornerstone material I want caregivers to embrace.
In the book, I discuss ways that I took care of myself. I knew that I needed to stay healthy in order to be the most effective caregiver I could be, so I continued good health practices, and paid attention to my emotional and spiritual health as well. This included journaling, counseling, and mini-vacations by myself or with friends and family. I also figured out ways to continue doing things I loved, things that brought me joy, even adapting some, so that I could spend more time with Harvey. I’ve blogged more extensively about this in posts from February, 2020.
So how can you take care of yourself during the holiday season?
You must set realistic expectations for yourself and your loved one.
First, critically assess what your loved one can and cannot do this year. It will change from year to year. How involved can he or she be in preparations? Will he or she be able to handle shopping for gifts, cooking, or going to religious services? There is just no way your loved one can participate in the holidays as he or she did in the past. Be honest with yourself about your loved one’s abilities. You won’t be able to force them to be what they were in the past.
This is putting on your own oxygen mask first!
Second, decide how much you can do for the holidays. You may need to scale back on activities you’ve done in the past. Your time is now best spent caring for your loved one. You just don’t have the same amount of time to devote to holiday planning and activities. Decide what is most important to you. Adapt your traditions to accommodate your loved one as well as your more limited time. Know that you may have to change plans mid-way if you or your loved one become unexpectedly overwhelmed.
This is putting on your own oxygen mask first!
And third, work to change the expectations of your family and friends. You may have to tell them that traditions will have to be simplified or altered. Be firm, and don’t be persuaded by others to do more than you realistically can do. Ask for more help from them than you usually do. A simpler, quieter holiday can be quite lovely.
This is putting on your own oxygen mask first!
And, of course, with COVID-19 still creating havoc in our lives, simplicity is almost mandatory! It’s the perfect excuse to pare down the usual holiday craziness to something more manageable.
Breathe deeply from your oxygen mask!