“The Heart Never Forgets” is the title of a LeAnn Rimes song from 1998. I am not much of a fan of country music in general, but the songs in this genre, more than others, do tell a story and aim to hit true emotions.
The story here is of finding an old note in an attic that brings back memories of a forgotten love. It’s sweet. We’ve all had an experience like this I suspect—running across a forgotten object that opens the floodgates of memory and emotion.
Looking through old photo albums is such a therapeutic activity for me—remembering when I was a child, and when my children were young.
I don’t have very many photos of Harvey. We didn’t have smart phones when we were a young couple, or even when our family was young. We tended not to take pictures of each other, and there are even fewer of us together. Once the children arrived, the camera was always trained on them. The digital shots of Harvey are rare too. I’m not sure why. We were just more focused outward, creating memories, but not feeling the need to document them I guess.
I am saddened that I have no notes or letters from Harvey to treasure, because we were never apart.
But my heart will never forget the love we had.
What I really want to focus on in this post, though, is the idea that persons living with dementia also have hearts that never forget. Their brains may not remember, but their inner being does. They may not know your name or the nature of the relationship they have with you, but they know, somewhere deep down, that you are someone that is important to them.
Even when there were no more words, Harvey would light up when he saw me, or calm down when I rubbed his back and sang gently to him. His heart was remembering.
Persons living with dementia experience other emotions as well, and can pick up on the emotional state of others. If they sense anxiety in you, they become anxious. If you are angry, it’s likely they will reflect that anger back to you. Conversely, if they sense loving kindness from you, you may be rewarded with the same sentiment from your loved one.
One day, late in the disease, I had had a rough time with Harvey’s toileting mishaps. I confess that I screamed and shouted and made things worse for both of us as he mirrored my frustration and anger. Just a few minutes after this horrible episode, Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” came on the radio. His soul remembered that song as one of our favorites from our dating years, and he quieted, beckoned me to him, and we danced. It was hard for me to change course so quickly, going from anger to love on a dime, but it wasn’t difficult for Harvey.
Persons living with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias can have fulfilling emotional lives well into their disease.
Isn’t it better to nurture positive emotions than reinforce more negative ones?
2 Responses
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if this was just an every day habit of kindness and compassion toward each other regardless of the circumstances?
You made a beautiful point. Thank you
I am realizing that most of what I share is applicable to all people every day!