Windows and Doors

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Taking on a second home on a lake has proven to be the challenge I feared it might be. Sure, the joys and rewards have been greater than the obstacles, but it’s a challenge nonetheless.

The scariest of which was returning to the lake house alone, ten days after I was last there, and finding the front door standing wide open.

What should I do? Just walk in as if nothing was amiss? Call the police and have them check it out first? Shut and lock the door and leave?

I decided to go in. It took all the courage I could muster to enter the house, all the while yelling, “Hello! Anybody here?” The hair on my arms were standing at attention as I continued to shout and check out every room. Nothing was disturbed. The TV, the only item of value, was still there. All seemed to be as I had left it.

Then I heard a scratching sound intermittently. I reminded me of the sound mice make, but it had a different quality, not quite scratching or scurrying. As I turned and crept toward the sound, a bird fluttered out of the laundry room and tried to fly out of a closed window.

I didn’t want to leave the front door open in hopes that the bird would find its way out, but how could I get this bird out of the house? She was too far out of reach, and did I think I could catch her in my hands? Shoo her out the door with a broom?

Fear of the open door had given way. I had walked through the door into the unknown, but now I was confronted with a fellow creature who was also in foreign territory.

As I contemplated the bird question, she suddenly flew into another room of the house. I followed her into a small bedroom. It would be easier to catch her in here. Maybe throw a towel over her and carry her out that way?

Inspiration struck. I opened one of the bedroom windows and left, closing the door behind me. The bird found her way out a few minutes later.

Open doors have long been a metaphor for opportunity. “When one door closes, another one will open.” “People can open doors for you, but you must walk through.” “Open minds lead to open doors.”

Most images that come to mind are of a cheerful, beckoning open doorway, not like this open door—scary and not feeling like opportunity at all!

Maybe the best metaphor is to see this terrifying open door as a symbol of really hard, difficult decisions. You don’t know what’s on the other side, but you know that you have to go through. You can’t leave. You could get an expert to go first, but you’ll have to go through eventually.

Caregiving is full of important, but tough decisions. Should I quite my job or go part-time in order to provide care? Should I hire outside help? Should I move to a new home that might better suit my loved one? Would a long term care facility be the best option for my loved one? Who might be able to help me navigate these decisions?

Making caregiving decisions such as these is like stepping through that scary open door. There might be danger on the other side, but there might be nothing to fear.

You might even encounter someone else feeling as trapped as you, not knowing where to go. Your experience and your knowledge, showing them the way, could open a door for them to fly through.