A Different Pace

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Last week I traveled with my octogenarian parents (I promised I wouldn’t call them “elderly”) to Wisconsin to visit my sister and her family. We had a lovely time, and I realized that traveling with them was much like traveling with Harvey when he was living with Alzheimer’s disease. The process required calm, patience, careful planning, and a slower pace.

Here is a previous post with tips on traveling with someone living with dementia.

My parents have been very healthy until recently. Not that they are unhealthy, really. They are just slowing down. My mother has some orthopedic issues with her back, hip, and feet. They are being addressed, but she definitely moves more slowly, and with more frequent rests.

We decided to take her walker with us on the trip, mainly to help navigate the airports, and that proved to be a good decision. Not only did she rely on the walker for assistance in ambulating, she was then given “priority boarding” because of her “disability.” That meant she and my dad could board the plane and stow their carryons without feeling rushed.

I had researched the airline’s policy about providing wheelchairs at the airport and was ready to request one to help get us to the connecting gate.  Happily, the gate was next door to our arrival one. We ate a leisurely lunch, then boarded the plane to Milwaukee.

At the Milwaukee airport, we made our way to the rental car desk, procured our car, and then drove to meet my sister for dinner.

Once we finally got to our vacation cabin, it was late, and we were all pretty exhausted.

The next morning, we realized what a gem this cabin was. Situated on the shore of a small lake, we had a magnificent view of the sunrise as it crested the hills across the lake. In other aspects, this cabin met our needs really well. It was all one level from the drive to the back door, with three bedrooms and one shared bathroom. Like Goldilocks, we felt that everything was just right.

The rest of our Wisconsin visit was a whirlwind of family, meals, and outings. We carried mom’s walker with us in the car, scoped out the lay of the land, and she used it when needed.

The only harrowing moment came when my dad unexpectedly ran out of some needed medical supplies. These cannot be obtained at a regular pharmacy, and we didn’t know where to find them in Milwaukee. After an hour of frustration, my dad hit upon the idea of calling a doctor’s office to ask for help. When I did, however, it was a receptionist for the medical complex, and I was told the physician’s office wouldn’t talk to me if my dad wasn’t a patient, but she put me through to the complex’s pharmacy, and they put us on the right path. The pharmacy tech who assisted us couldn’t have been more helpful, explaining that she herself had traveled and been caught needing necessary medical supplies for her own condition. She had exactly what my dad needed, even the same brand, and we practically skipped out of the store.

That experience was another lesson in patience. I know my frustration showed as I called one medical supply store after the other, but I did work to try to conceal it more than I normally would. My parents didn’t need my anxiety to escalate theirs.

I mentioned at the start of this post that this trip reminded me of traveling with Harvey. Although he didn’t have any mobility issues, the pace and mindset were similar. I really dialed down my speed and decision-making by several notches, taking as much time as we needed, stopping for breaks. My anxiety about traveling was significantly less at this slower pace and because I had planned ahead. There was no need to rush, and in this unhurried state, we enjoyed each other’s company in a more relaxed way. My parents are both a bit hard of hearing, so I spoke face and face and more distinctly, never calling to them from another room—just as one should do with a loved one living with dementia.

When traveling with someone who has Alzheimer’s disease, you must go at their pace. You cannot expect them to keep up with you. Move and talk more slowly so that they can process new information. And like me, you just might enjoy this new perspective.