I haven’t written or spoken much about the title of my memoir, Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer’s. Maybe I felt like it was self explanatory. But on my recent trip to Israel/Palestine, a new idea expanded the theme.
We were in Galilee, on our bus, headed toward a dock where we would take a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee. One of our trip leaders asked me to read a brief devotional once we were on the lake. It was a prepared piece about the story of Jesus calming the lake when a storm threatened to overturn the fishing boat he and his disciples were on.
As I read the devotional to myself and recalled the Bible story of Jesus calming the waves, I remembered the title of my book.
I ditched the idea of reading the planned written piece and decided to craft my own:
My husband, Harvey was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at the age of fifty, and the perfectly balanced life-plan that we had created was going to be destroyed. The waves that were surely coming for him, for me, and for our family, were going to upset that beautifully crafted arrangement of work and family responsibilities.
I was going to have to figure out a way to manage all of the upheavals that would be coming.
I was going to have to learn to surf the waves because I knew that a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease could capsize us if I didn’t.
Surfing is a solitary sport, but for me, it became a team sport when I realized that all the people who were helping me and our family were helping us to stay afloat through the turbulence. It was if they placed steadying hands on my surf board, and I stayed upright.
I’ve never learned to surf, and the one time I tried, I ended up dislocating my shoulder, but I imagine that surfing is one of the most mindful activities you can do. All of your concentration must be centered on your body, your balance, and your connection with the wave. You cannot think of anything else. Your mind can be nowhere else. You are only present.
Practicing mindfulness is a way to surf the waves of Alzheimer’s. When I struggled to juggle all my added responsibilities, keeping all those plates spinning, donning a different hat almost minute-to-minute, if I gave myself time to just breathe, I could relax a bit.
When I gave into the moment and accepted Harvey exactly as he was, not as he had been or as he should have been, but as he was with all the child-like wonder, confusion, and dependency—then, then I could breathe and relax a bit. I was practicing mindfulness by being fully present.
Jesus calmed the waves for his disciples and eased their fears. But sometimes the waves cannot be stilled. They will just keep coming. Learning to ride them, keeping your balance in the middle the storm, is miracle enough.